Written By: Lisa Eimers

I remember 7 years ago walking down the aisle next to my father (who 6 months prior had two brain surgeries) up to the man of my dreams! I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening; I knew I loved him but I was afraid of not being a good or Godly wife to Justin. At the time of our wedding we had been together just over a year and in that year there were many trials. Each trial made us grow closer and made our relationship go deeper. The trials have continued throughout our marriage, but in the end, God has always had a plan even if it was providing at the last minute. He has shown us His mercy and grace even when we doubted. I am so thankful that I have had my best friend by my side and can’t imagine life without him. Yes, he drives me crazy and we get upset with each other but at the end of the day, he is always there. He is my biggest cheerleader when I have doubt in myself or my abilities!
Has he been the perfect husband? No! Have I been the perfect wife? No! But, I have learned a few ways in which I can act in a Godly manner towards him to have a healthy marriage!

•  Show him respect! This means in public as well as at home. I know that it is important to Justin that if I disagree with something he says to wait and bring it to his attention in private. Be sure to bring up your objection in a respectful and loving way looking to help not harm your husband. Husbands this goes for you as well its best to talk with your wife in private than in front of a bunch of people. It can be extremely embarrassing for them and you will look like a jerk doing so.
• Honor and Support him! You are his biggest cheerleader and men need to feel that they are supported by their #1 girl! Write him a little note and stick it in his lunch box or send him a text/email randomly saying you are praying for him!
• Spend time alone…just the two of you each week! This is a must!! You need to take time out of your busy schedule to spend time together and get to know one another on a deeper level. It is a time together that builds intimacy, and is a good reminder that each of you is committed to one another.  Husbands surprise your wife here and there plan a date night….by just thinking of a place to go to eat at or something to do will mean a lot to her! 
•  Surprise him with a gift occasionally. It can be the smallest thing like his favorite candy bar or his favorite pop! Husbands, women love getting little surprises too!! Especially Reece’s Pieces, or Lemon Heads…ok so those are mine but just thought I’d put that out there.
• Agree to disagree and STOP being stubborn! I can be incredibly stubborn and this has been a challenge for me. When you’re in the midst of the argument remember it’s not about winning (this goes for you too gentlemen), but about compromise and mutual love and respect. Marriage is compromise, so to display a constantly stubborn heart is to doom your marriage to failure. Stop, pray, breathe and move on…if anything else…God has the situation…stop trying to control it.

• Be his friend not just his roommate!

•  Be patient and understanding! Your husband is working to provide for you and sometimes he has a bad day at work or life in general is stressful, so just be understanding about the way that he feels.
•  PRAY FOR HIM!! This is perhaps the largest of all of these here. Calling out to the father of heaven to bless the man you love even when you’re angry with him is going to be a blessing to you in return. It may be hard…but in time…it will help, prayer works.

Now ladies this is what not to do!

•  Nag! Nagging will only cause arguments! Lovingly ask him and leave it alone.
• Belittle him! Is your husband not doing what he is supposed to? Are you frustrated with him? Than sit with him and talk about it…name calling, chastising, and talking down to him will only make it worse. This is not the time to remind him that he didn’t take out the trash last week after you asked, or that he didn’t do this 5 years ago and so on. Let that stuff go and build him up, you’ll find that he is much more apt to be helpful than he currently is.
• Interrupt him while he is speaking. Instead, listen to everything he has to say carefully then respond! This means actually listening…not coming up with a 50 point argument that would make a lawyer’s head spin. Listen means listen, truly be interested in what he is saying.
• Demand things! We do not like it when people demand things of us why would we demand things from them.
• Don’t try to lead your household let him lead!! This doesn’t mean allow him to be a dictator, but to allow him and trust him to make decisions that are best for your family.

It is likely that most of these things on this list are things that you’ve done (I know that I’ve done them) but don’t beat yourself up. Marriage is two people in need of grace coming together and trying to reflect Christ and the cross. It will never be neat, it will never be tidy, but it will be rewarding. Marriage is work and you MUST work each day and choose to LOVE him (especially when he isn’t deserving of it). It is this love that reflects how God loves us, for God does not love us because we loved him but as John says, “We love him because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19). Mirror that gospel truth to your husband every day and you will glorify Christ in the process. Thanks for reading, and thank you for supporting my husband.

In Christ

Lisa

Published by Justin Eimers

Justin began his faith walk earnestly at the age of 14 after attending a youth conference. From that day forward, Justin’s life changed dramatically. Every previously conceived plan or idea about what he wanted to do with his life was jettisoned, and he began to seriously study the Bible. Ever since he came to faith, he has been obsessed with knowing the truth of God’s word and learning how it applies to real everyday people. He also enjoys the occasional moments where he gets to preach and teach and also serves in his local church’s worship band. Justin is married to his wife of 12 years, Lisa, and is the proud father of two boys Elias and Adaiah. He enjoys sharing his passions with his boys, reading comic books, playing video games, and occasionally nerding out with friends (there is a reason this website is called The Nerdy Theologian). Justin is also working towards a Ph.D. in Bible Exposition, having already attained an MA in Theological Studies and BS in Biblical Studies. View all posts by Justin Eimers